Oblivion (Bucky x Reader) part 21 1/2 (C.E.)

Bucky P.O.V

Beep   Beep   Beep.

He was slumped in the small plastic chair, trying not to stare at the blood on his hands. Your blood.

The thought made a ball of steel, no, a sharp, jagged diamond, unbreakable, indestructible, lodge itself in his throat. He ran a red-stained hand through his hair, trying to push down the painful emotions. But he couldn't help remembering the terrible moment when he had remembered. It had started so sweet. Your soft lips pressing against his gently. It was the most wonderful feeling. But then he had seen the blood, so much blood. It had slipped down your throat, and he had been so useless, so HELPLESS in stopping it. He could only watch as you slowly slipped away from him.

Then Steve and Natasha had arrived, with all of S.H.I.E.L.D behind them. They had dragged him away from you, and this time he had done nothing to stop them. At least, nothing too serious. He was the monster, the one that had done this to you. The thought made the diamond in his throat grow. He would gladly give you up, give away all of his memories and go back to being that blank shell of a man if it meant that you got to live. Because right now, nothing was certain.

Ever the soldier, his head snapped up as the door to your hospital room opened. Steve walked out, looking unhappy. Bucky was on his feet in a second, not caring for a moment about the guards on either side of him, that started and reached for weapons. A gesture from Steve had them relaxing slightly, but they kept their wary gaze on Bucky.

"It's not good." Steve replied to his worried look. "She lost a lot of blood. The doctors gave her some morphine to help with the pain, but that causes dangers in itself. They don't know if she's going to wake up."

A strange sound escaped his throat. It was that of a wounded animal. The diamond expanded until he thought it would rip him apart from the inside. At the moment, he would have let it. He would have given anything to be the one lying in that bed, for you to be the one breathing, moving, living.

"Can I-" his voice broke, and he cleared it angrily before trying again. "Can I see her?"

"Sir," the guard on his left interrupted. "I don't think that's the best idea."

Steve held up a hand. "It's a good thing that what you think doesn't effect the decision."

The soldier's mouth shut with an audible SNAP.

Steve waved him into the room. "Watch out for the machines." He whispered, gesturing to the beeping, humming, whirring, dinging, ringing contraptions that connected to you with a maze of tubes and wires. The soldier's eyes widened at the tube stretching across your cheeks, gently blowing air into your nose, the one that led a steady drip of donated blood into your veins, and the one connected to the life support machine, emitting it's steady Beep   Beep   Beep.

He watched at the green line on the machine rose and fell with your heartbeat, desperate to look at anything except you. But, of course, he couldn't resist. You were so pale, so small and fragile looking compared to all the large machines necessary to keep you alive. He couldn't keep himself from staring at the stark white bandage around your throat, and notice how you were only a shade darker, even after all the time you and him had spent outside, running. He was so focused on you that he didn't notice Steve quietly slip outside.

He gently stroked your hair, whispering your name over and over, begging you to come back to him, to wake up, anything. But it wasn't working. You still lay there, silent as a ghost, still as marble. Bucky didn't notice the tears falling from his eyes until one of them landed on your cheek. He looked down at it in surprise before leaning down gently and kissing the tear away.

But that angle gave him a clear view of the small spot of red that had soaked through the stark white bandage around your throat. The bright spot stood out against the sharp white of the room, and the dull colours of the furniture. He couldn't help but think about your (e/c) eyes would stand out in here too, always bright and shining with life. Those (e/c) eyes that, because of him, may never open again.

The thought broke him. He slumped down across your unconscious body, sobs shaking his body. He couldn't control the tears that fell down onto your chest, or the shaking that caused the whole bed to rock. It was only all the years with HYDRA that kept his sobs silent, a silence that weighed heavily on him. The heavy diamond lodged in his throat made it impossible to breath, which seemed fitting, given the circumstances.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry (Name), oh god I'm so sorry," he couldn't stop the words pouring from his mouth. "Please (Name), please, I'm so sorry, PLEASE!" He sobbed.

It took him a moment to feel the gentle fingers stroking his hair. He looked up slowly, and looked into those beautiful (e/c) eyes that he had thought he would never see again.

"Hi." You whispered softly, voice raspy.

Bucky gasped. "Oh my god, (Name)! Don't move, I'll get a doctor!"

"No," you grabbed his hand weakly. "Stay with me."

Bucky nodded. "Of course."

You smiled softly and snuggled down into the thin sheets.

"You're going to be okay." Bucky whispered softly, fingers stroking your back. "I promise."

"If course I am." You whispered back. "I have you to help me."